The Lone Consultant and the Comfort of Cultural Artifacts

John, the leader of a consultancy that valued the surreal and mined the bizarre for secrets lost for eons, stood in the open office, surrounded by the fluorescent glow of the overhead lights. As he watched one of his colleagues stand immobile in a VR helmet, lost in the virtual world of Wander, revisiting their childhood home, and another colleague run ancient alchemy diagrams through an AI image scanner, John couldn't shake the feeling that something was missing.

The office contained standing desks that could transform into sitting-cross-legged-on-the-floor desks, a coffee bar with brass instruments emanating steam, and there was a group of five employees singing in harmony quietly in a corner. The walls were adorned with photographs of strange underwater creatures that no one would believe could exist on earth, there were full bookshelves everywhere, and in the corner, there was a pillow fort.

John thought back to the words of his mother, who had told him that no one at work would be there to wish him bon voyage on his deathbed, only family would do that. And as John, now 42 and childless, stood there in the open office, he couldn't help but wonder if his own chances of having a family had already sailed off into the sunset, leaving him behind.

But as he struggled with feelings of uncertainty and doubt, John found solace in the cultural artifact of SpongeBob SquarePants. Despite being aware of the dark underside of SpongeBob, the complacency and slavishness that lurked beneath the pleasant yellow surface, John's love for the sponge only deepened. In fact, the complexity only added to his fascination and connection with the entire SpongeBob body of work.

Suddenly, the colleague in the VR helmet fell to his knees, tears streaming down his face as he repeated "Momma" softly, pounding his fist into the gray-blue low-pile carpet. John rushed to his side.

Then the woman at the desk, who had been copying alchemical recipes into an AI image scanner, stood and spoke in Arabic.

"It was with a heavy heart that the Lord cut His connection with Adam, their daily walks and sacrament. He longs for the day He regains such a relationship with His creation."

At once, John and the others in the room understood the meaning of the words. They had been implanted into each of them through brainwashing when they were but children, and now they had been activated, as if by some unseen force. As one, they rose to their feet, their minds racing with the possibilities of how the Perfect Marketing Strategy could solve climate change.

John, the inner John within the outer John, felt a sense of relief wash over him as he realized that he no longer had to bear the burden of control. He had always secretly longed for a straight path to follow, and now he had one. He could sit back in his shadowy home within his mind and relax, while outer John and his colleagues used Perfect Marketing to tackle the pressing issue of climate change.

As he watched his colleagues work, John couldn't help but feel a sense of pride and purpose. He had always believed in the power of marketing to affect positive change, and now he was seeing it in action.

As the days passed and the team made progress on their campaign, John found himself more and more at peace. He no longer felt the weight of the world on his shoulders, and he was able to enjoy the simple pleasures of life once again.